WHAT MY SQUIRREL STRATEGY IS BASED ON
by Marty Ratbum
Part 4: How to Sell Myself
I would like to make a commentary about PR and marketing as a subject and my own strategy to sell myself and my “services.”
From a PR and marketing perspective, one of the most challenging obstacles in the squirrel business is finding the correct positioning for yourself. In other words, how do you position yourself in the eyes of your potential clientele? Or even to any rumormongering media (though that is easier than you might think).
I’ve studied the squirrel business for years and what I found common to all squirrels is the love of the fast buck! You have to admire the levels that some famous squirrels have stooped to.
However, each and every famous squirrel had a problem in mispositioning themselves and so their longevity was short. It would be impossible to list out all the do’s and don’t’s in positioning but here are a few important ones that might be of some help and guidance for any aspiring squirrel.
Never position yourself as wanting a fast buck or attempted extortion. Just don’t do it. Don’t even insinuate, imply or hint at such—no matter the temptation. Have patience. Don’t hesitate on accusing the Church of this. Go to town on that. But watch yourself on how far you take it, for you can expose your scheme.
Never, ever say that you’re against LRH or Scientology. You lose customers that way. So don’t do it even if you have to restrain yourself. A more slick way to go about it is promote that you are all for LRH and standard Scientology and bite your tongue. But don’t forget to accuse the Church of being anti-LRH and anti-Scientology. That’s another really slick angle I’ve been using.
Another important point is for god’s sake, keep track of your falsehoods and rumors. Don’t worry about the truth and how far you exaggerate and falsify. However, you had better worry about being consistent on the lies and rumors you impart. This is also important when speaking to the press. Go ahead and speak in generalities, entheta, bad news, critical remarks and carping criticism but try to be consistent. I know it can be difficult at times to keep track of natter, black propaganda and motivators, especially as they’re made up. However, you must not only keep a straight face but a straight story. I can’t stress how important this is.
Go ahead and natter up a storm but make sure you get “reliable” sources to back up those lies and rumors. Have a conference first before initiating any advertising, promotion or press campaign so everyone is aligned on all the falsehoods, natter, outrageous rumors or exaggerations told. It is okay to be creative, imaginative and lie, but again, it is a matter of consistency and making sure those people who confirm your lies are on the same page as you are.
And above all, don’t say you’re a “squirrel” even though you are a squirrel. That word is bad for business. Say you’re a reformer, a victim, a peace loving person, a believer in the truth, a Zen-type of spiritual advisor, a tech guru, or even an “independent.”
It’s like the traveling snake oil salesman. How do you position yourself to the small village in the hope to dupe the townsfolk?
Well, that is the first thing that you, as a squirrel, have to work out and once you have that resolved—you’re on your way.
However, there is always the danger of the truth getting out about you and your lies.
That’s where no PR and marketing can help a squirrel.
“The motivations for these acts are a psychotic computation for self preservation: keep enough chaos and threat stirred up in the environment, make myself appear to be a solution to it instead of the instigator of it, and lots of people go down and remain in turmoil while I go unrecognized as the source of it and survive.” – Mark Rathbun
“Over the past 15 years we have seen a lot of groups splinter off from Scientology and beat the drum for some offbeat use of the technology. We call them “squirrels” because they are so nutty. They come and they go. We’re still here and will continue to be.
“The keynote of such “developments” is how to avoid auditing and prevent revealing overts.
“We don’t object to Dianetics or Scientology being used. We prefer it to have its right name. But we like to have it in clean hands.
“They are quite violent on the subject of ethics as you ordinarily expect a criminal to be and are savage about organizations, having stolen money and lists from ours. They are being careful not to attack me publicly in the hopes people will think them noble and inspired. They’re inspired all right—by the “buck.” But we wish them no bad luck. We don’t have to. It’s punishment enough just to be themselves and live with what they are.”
L. Ron Hubbard, 27 September 1965